If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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