at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
