The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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