wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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