He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
