it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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