when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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