What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
