Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
