There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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