were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Randomize
