My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
