I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize