she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
