I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
