you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
