I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
