The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
