would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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