I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
