One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
