I murdered the dance floor call the cops
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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