he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
did i just pee glitter
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
