Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
