The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I've blown a few things in my day
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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