she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
