He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
she woke up with a sticky ear
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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