new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
