mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
