My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
