Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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