I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
