He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Randomize
