If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
