i need an iv and a liver transplant
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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