Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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