So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Randomize