I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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