I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Randomize
