Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
