Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize