omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
