worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
