Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
