How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
