Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
