i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
