If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
