may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize