it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize