At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
