i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
