I want you more than these girls want KFC
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
