Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize