smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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