So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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