That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
