drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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