he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
We had sex on a dog bed..
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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