Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
