I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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