Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize