I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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