he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
