im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Someone came in the potted fern
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize